Poor Burrito Bison, while shopping in his regular hispanic farmer's market for the ripest of burrito fix’ins, is yanked from his peaceful existence alongside his favorite barefoot white girl (look closer at the prelogue) into the evil, apparently Hispanic, Candyland where he’s forced to duel against a raging mob of various gummy evildoers.

I’m normally not inclined to recommend a How Far or High Can You/PowerUp & Repeat game, but since I had to force myself to stop playing Burrito Bison long enough to write this review (and eat), I figured it might just be right up our Mexican Jumping Bean Alley, if you know what I mean. Burrito Bison is an arcade game that involves launching a Mexican wrestler (un Luchador) minotaur off the ropes, optionally off the Candyland hero, Jawbreaker, to squash as many gummy bears as possible in a wrestling meets running of the bulls meets my favorite halloween candy game. What’s not to love? With each bout, earn cash per gummy smashed to purchase more powerups and abilities to launch Burrito Bison through the stadium and out of Candyland back home to Casa Bien Casa. And with eight different achievements, I’m having a heck of a time stopping for bathroom breaks.

Hints

1. It took me a few minutes to figure out, but Body Slams are rockets attached to Burrito Bison's shorts and best ignited from high elevations to maximize the hit at the ground level.
2. Body Slams off flying balloon gummies are quite helpful for distance and elevation.
3. As in real life, avoid cops at all cost.
4. Saving a body slam to use when avoiding cops at weaker points can come in handy.
5. Initially, powerup often. The first level of each powerup is significantly cheaper and will allow you to earn much more quickly for each bout .
6. The last item in your shop, General Goods, is actually cheaper than some of the other items in the bottom of the list and is much more valuable; it increases the frequency of all gummies with items.
7. Watch out for the end of the first level; if you don’t have enough speed, walls hurt.

Is it just me, or was this game dreamed up under heavy medication? Now, I’m off to Chipotle, because, for some reason, I have an intense craving for a mondo burrito.