Sometimes in life, we (and by “we”, I mean me) find ourselves longing for the simpler, less daily commute-oriented times of childhood where play, shenanigans and frivolities were only interrupted by short stretches of basic arithmetic, spelling and nap times. When we woke up thinking “what’s the most fun thing I could do today” and not “crap, I’m already behind schedule.” When bathing, grooming and eating came a distant second to the strategic demolition of that pile of leaves your older brother just finished laboring to collect from the yard yesterday evening before giving up for the evening to bag and dispose of first thing tomorrow afternoon. Oh, my dear “big” brother who sits on my face for fun and denies it’s to release teenage social frustration, you neglected one tiny flaw in your plan: my school ends a full hour before yours. Muhahaha.

Bloons 2 is the latest release in the Bloons arcade puzzle game series and introduces a level map, new bloons, blocks and aerial support circa 1909 in 96 of the most challengingly arduous, gruelingly frustrating, make-you-want-to-cower-under-your-desk-and-cry levels you’ve ever been uncontrollably twitching in excitement to play. These levels require a depth of precision and timing not yet seen in any of the previous 450 levels of bloon smashing, dart chucking action (yes, I’m talking about you, Level 79, which requires near simultaneous dart hucking accuracy). There is good reason the tag line for Bloons 2 is “a worthy sequel.” That it is, my friends, that it is.

OMG, I don’t know where to begin. Maybe the level map which separates the, again, 96 levels into separate (temperate?) zones including theTemple of Bloon, the Rubber Jungle and Mount Magma? Or, should I focus on the new bloons including curiously devoted bees, surprisingly viral (popping one begets 6 others) bloons, physics defying camo bloons that fade in and out of this reality faster than a quark on a caffeine rush or the new devious, little deteriorating rubber bouncy blocks that dissolve away after one touch. Or, maybe I should focus on the new, what I’m calling, “Thank God” features which include a super monkey with laser vision (BEW BEW!), the Max Power button to automatically use the highest chucking power capable without having to play Russian roulette with an overly sensitive power meter arrow, and a “View Solution” option to see, and I quote, “how in God’s name am I supposed to beat this level??” Wait, I know, I should start with my far and away (also a good flick featuring pre-douche Tom Cruise) favorite new feature, and something that I feel is missing from most casual games currently available: calling in aerial support via a new bloon that directs a kamakaze British WWI flying (monkey) ace to rain down bad dental hygiene and foul smelling cheeses on enemy bloons.

Oops, well, I guess that covers most everything that is new in Bloons 2. Except for the much welcomed store which enables you to outright purchase more powerups, level access and super monkeys. Please, tell me who wouldn’t want to purchase a super monkey shooting lasers out of it’s eyes. Who, I say, WHO?